I’m writing garbage, utter utter garbage….
I’m typing this here because I don’t really want to type on our business website where I’ve created my “blog” called Unedited, because I have this thing where I need things to be perfect before it goes out and that usually means I never end up sharing anything or posting anything and the lawnmower or whatever that thing downstairs in our complex is, is making a huge racket and I can’t seem to focus or concentrate and I really need to write because there’s so much. So so much in my head that I just need to DOWNLOAD. you know? And the one time that the kid is not with me, because usually he is my distraction. He talks to me constantly and even when I put the phone on with Youtube for him, he still manages to talk to me and include me in it which is cute but I really need concentration to write and think and focus.
But I was told yesterday to just write, even if I can’t think properly just write utter utter garbage. Just WRITE!!!
And my burfee-making pep-talker is right! What’s a writer if she cannot write? Right? People nowadays don’t worry about grammar… painfully, and they post like ALL the time!! And they’re getting business from it. They’re getting deals and contracts from it, meanwhile I’m sitting here thinking is this in the right context and is this going to offend anyone and why does this child not stop talking? He’s not here with me right now. He went with his dad to mosque and his dad (my hubby) is trying to keep them both out of my way for as much as possible so I SHOULD NOT LET THIS MOMENT PASS ME BY!!! Even if I can’t seem to focus and concentrate right now, I need to just type and type and write and write and go through this weeding out process to see if all of this nonsense can just get the hell out of me so that I can finally write what I came here to write but this lawnmower just doesn’t want to stop.
I’m fasting by the way, did I mention that? I love food. junk food. healthy food and most importantly love sweet stuff. It’s day 4 of Ramadaan. But I think I’m okay, I usually get drained though, it’s 2:45pm… Oh and Slipper Day. Are you wearing your Slippers today? I am. I love slippers and pyjama pants. They’re so comfy. What do I need to do today? So much, there’s so much that I need to do and get done and I’m just sitting here and typing this. That’s my other problem, I can’t seem to sit down and concentrate because I feel like I should be sorting out the house (we don’t have a domestic helper from the time I’ve been married and this year September will be 10 years of marriage so that’s a long long time of cleaning and somedays I just like to give up, which means that shit piles up which means that we (Ziyaad and me) has to sort that shit ourselves amongst other things and of course with a child and a small place things become cluttered and other crap and oh! what am I making to break fast tonight? Cooking. That’s the other thing that needs to get done. Plus we need to make money for rent and food and petrol and other bills and need to do repairs and replacements and services and I really shouldn’t be sitting and writing, I should be trying to find us some business, some contracts, and applying for more jobs even though I keep bloody getting rejected or they don’t even respond. How rude? I’m qualified and experienced, why on earth aren’t you taking me?????????!!!!!!!! I need to pay bills dammit and eat, basic stuff. and look after my child. And I’d really like to send him to school and get medical savings for us. When is this going to happen? Why do people expect us to do things for free for them when they themselves want to be paid? You sell products, you don’t give them away, you make food, you don’t just give it away, you tell people how to live (life coach) and expect them to pay you, you treat patients and expect to be paid (doctors, dentists, etc) , you don’t do it for free. You organise a damn expo/ event and want someone to sponsor you and you expect your exhibitors to pay for their space or stall yet you want to advertise with us for free just because you invite us? Seriously??? SHOULD I REMIND YOU HOW MUCH PETROL COSTS???? WEEEEEE TRAVEL WITH OUR CAR, TO YOUR VENUE, THAT’S PETROL AND WEAR AND TEAR OF OUR CAR. THEN WE TAKE OUR TIME AND OUR RESOURCES TO FILM OR PHOTOGRAPH AND TAKE DOWN INFORMATION FOR YOUR EVENT, FOR WHAT? for you to tell us yay we can enter for free or see this for free? and then advertise it using OUR expenses, just because we went somewhere THAT WE DIDN’T NEED TO GO just because you invited us so we can tell other people to go there and pay to go there?
I’m done now with this thought processing stuff.
garbage garbage garbage